Weaselnomics

    I was very excited to learn that Michael Jackson is performing again, and apparently so were a lot of other people. I think as a society, we can take this as a positive sign. Our public shunning of this great entertainer is over, and he can once again sit at his throne, and enjoy the fruits of his position. I’ve never read the enormously popular Freakonomics , but I’ve gotten the gist from a number of devotees. It sounds like a bunch of correlation studies, based on data other than outright falsehoods.
    

    While skimming the news today, I also learned that the population of homeless children may be greater than previously thought. The linked article mentions Katrina (the hurricane, not the stupid girl who spilled milk on me in 4th grade…idiot) as a likely cause.

    

    However, allow me to present a differing theory. Micheal Jackson moved to Bahrain in about 2005. In the interim it would seem the number of children, without homes, has increased. Clearly the King of Pop really was the thin black white pale line protecting our nation’s youth from abject poverty. His invitations to children, and financial contributions to their families kept the economy afloat.

    

    Sure, if you sleep over at Michael’s, you may experience some…unpleasantness, but you get a roof and a bed. You also get to ride a fuckin’ zebra or giraffe. A chimpanzee makes you chocolate chip waffles for breakfast. The man had his own damn theme park and you could’ve ridden as much as you wanted, provided you were willing to spend a few awkward minutes, that you never have to admit to anyone else, with Mr. Jackson.

    

    Our short sighted society told Michael we didn’t want him playing with our children. At night. In bed.

    

    We were fools. 

    

    Now his majesty punishes our youth.