Great Lyrics are Great

The problem with living in Nashville is that everyone you know is a music snob. Some people say they listen to anything, but that’s bullshit. The first thing I do when I hear “I like everything” is turn the radio to NPR or 92Q (for those not familiar with Nashville, 92Q is our local “urban” station. Don’t say black, you fucking racist). Suddenly, they will reveal that they do not, in fact, like ‘everything’. However I digress.

I am not a snob at all. I proudly proclaim my love of 80’s hair bands and pop. Anything generally shallow, happy, and catchy. I don’t care for bands still angry with their parents or teachers. (Note to ‘Artists’: If your life is still fucked up at age 25, you need to take a cue from Michael Jackson. No, don’t make the sex with children, I meant you need to look at the man in the mirror and grow up.) As to depressing music full of angst, keep it…I’m good. I prefer to listen to songs of lust, love, and loss.

The above is simply a preface to another lazy list post:

Some of The Freaky Weasels Favorite Lyrics

Number 1. …and she makes me want to be a homosexual… This lyric from a Bowling for Soup song never fails to crack me up. I love Bowling for Soup. They are the least pretentious of any band I’ve ever listened to. They write the songs I would write if I could write music. If I could summon up the courage to be gay for a band, it’d be them.

Number 2. …I love you in the same way there’s a chapel in a hospital… Fall Out Boy. The first time I heard this I laughed out loud. It’s possibly the most perfectly crafted lyric I’ve ever heard. Again as a shallow, selfish individual it speaks to me.

Number 3. …I never looked inside myself, cuz on the outside, I looked good… From the Broadway Musical Hairspray. Just plain funny in it’s honesty. Probably the reason I dig BFS and KISS so much. There is no lying. No crafty subterfuge. Just plain truth.

Number 4. …and I’m wondering what you’re dreaming, wondering if it’s me your seeing… This, obviously is from Aerosmith’s Armageddon song. This lyric isn’t so great, except my daughter was born the summer this was on the radio every 10 minutes. Being the anal worrisome type, I dragged my daughter’s crib every evening into my tiny bedroom (the Mrs. and I were on a budget) and I went to sleep with my arm hanging off the side of the bed so I could feel the rise and fall of her chest with my hand. My wife found this ridiculous, but I think most first time dads will get where I’m coming from. Why didn’t I select …I could stay awake just to hear you breathing…? Don’t be a dick. I had to sleep, asshole. However when babies laugh in their sleep, it’s funny as hell. And leads to a great deal of speculation as to why. As least in households not inhabited by morons.

Number 5. …All you need is love is a lie… A lot of folks hate John Mayer, but then again a heckuva lot more like him. Evidenced by the many sales, and many beautiful women he’s tapping as a result of his shmaltsy tunes. This line brings a lot of truth though. It’s so easy to date and have sex but long term relationships, while often great, have intermittent stretches when it feels like a job. I’m depressing myself. I was gonna stop with 5, but it’s my list. I’m going to go six to cheer myself up.

Number 6. …Don’t stop me now, I’m havin’ such a good time, I’m havin’ a ball… Don’t Stop Me Now would definitely get my vote for gayest song ever written. I think the director of Shaun of the Dead may have felt the same way as I believe this is the song playing on the juke box when the zombies break into the bar. On the other hand it creates in my very core a feeling of contentment and happiness. If you’re a man and you think liking this song would make you queer, I want to stop and remind you that it’s the cock in your mouth that makes you gay, not the content on your iPod.

I’m tired of typing now. If you have any favorites you’d like to share…good for you.